


Midsummer Assets

by Chelidona (Hobbity), islandkate



Category: Being Human (UK), The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Shakespeare, Anders is Titania, M/M, Midsummer Night's Dream, Mitchell is Oberon, Recreational Drug Use, Script Format, They squabbled, and make up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 07:03:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18633193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hobbity/pseuds/Chelidona, https://archiveofourown.org/users/islandkate/pseuds/islandkate
Summary: Prompt Fill for GatheringFiKi SpringFRE 2019, prompt 50: Mitchell admires Anders’ ASSetsBritchell meets Shakespeare. Anders and Mitchell, kings of fairies and elves, have fought. Tyrone, the Duke of Auckland, will marry his beloved Dawn in four days time. Heimdall wants his sister to marry Axl, but she escapes with Mikkel. Chaos ensues. And all because Mitchell wanted to get his hands on Anders' ass(ets) again.





	1. Scene 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lakritzwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lakritzwolf/gifts).



> In true Shakespeare for student fashion, there is tl:dr version of the whole thing in the last chapter.  
> Also, this is the tumblr post that gave islandkate this crazy idea: [glow in the dark ass](https://lakritzwolf.tumblr.com/post/184442691832/i-saw-a-butt-in-the-darkness-just-a-butt-and-i)  
> And then I (Chelidona) got a fever today and thought the best way to spend a day in bed was to do unspeakable things to Shakespeare's text.  
> Also, disclaimer: We do no advocate using drugs. I (Chelidona) never even smoked a cigarette, let alone tried anything other than a cocktail to alter my mind. I see no reason why. Life is whacky enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to simplify Shakespeare's English a little (though my heart bled) and cut large chunks of the most beautiful but slightly obscure language and images. So please give this a go even if Shakespeare is usually not your thing :)

## Scene 1

_Enter an elf, INGRID, at one side and a fairy, OLAF at another, a joint in his hand._

 

OLAF

How now, elfling? Whither wander’st thou?

 

INGRID

 Over hill, over dale,

 Through bush, through brier,

 Over park, over pale,

 Through flood, through fire.

 I do wander everywhere

 Swifter than the moon’s sphere.

 And I serve the gracious Anders.

Farewell, thou lob of spirits. I’ll be gone.

Our king and all our elves come here anon.

 

OLAF

King Mitchell doth keep his revels here tonight.

Take heed your Anders will come within his sight.

King Mitchell is passing fell and wrath

Because sweet Anders has of late

Shunned the marital bed

To play with mortals as his wont

And leave king Mitchell for his sport.

And now they never meet in grove or green,

By fountain clear or spangled starlight sheen,

But they do argue, that all their elves for fear

Creep into acorn cups and hide there.

 

INGRID

Either I mistake your shape and making quite,

Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Olaf Goodfellow. Are not you he

That frights the maidens of the villagery?

Those that “Hobgoblin” call you, and “sweet Puck,”

You do their work, and they shall have good luck.

Are not you he?

 

OLAF

Thou speak’st aright,

I am that merry wanderer of the night.

I jest to Mitchell and make him smile

But, room, elf! Here comes Mitchell.

 

INGRID

And here my master.

 

_Enter MITCHELL, the King of Fairies, at one side with his entourage, and ANDERS, the King of elves, at the other, with his own entourage._

 

MITCHELL

Ill met by moonlight, proud Anders.

 

ANDERS

What, jealous Mitchell? — Elves, skip hence.

I have forsworn his bed and company.

 

MITCHELL

Tarry, rash wanton. Am not I thy spouse?

 

ANDERS

Then I must be thine. Why art thou here,

Come from the farthest step of Bristol?

But that, forsooth, the bouncing Dawn,

Your buskined mistress and your warrior love,

To Tyrone must be wedded, and you come

To give their bed joy and prosperity.

 

MITCHELL

How canst thou accuse me thus, Anders,

Knowing I know thy love to Tyrone?

You squabble with him, you call him cold,

But yet are you not his protector?

 

ANDERS

These are the forgeries of jealousy.

And never, since the last summer,

Have we met on hill, in dale, forest, or mead,

But with thy bicker thou hast disturbed our fun.

Therefore the winds, shouting to us in vain,

As in revenge, have sucked up from the sea

Contagious fogs, which falling in the land

Have every pelting river made so proud

That they have flooded their continents.

The seasons are all changed and

Farmers’ crops fall to their whims.

No night is now with hymn or carol blessed.

And this same progeny of evils comes

From our debate, from our discord.

We are their parents and original.

 

MITCHELL, _looking a bit guilty_

Let us amend it then and do return to me.

Why should Anders shun his Mitchell?

I do but beg your company, and ask

For your attention to bend towards me

Your husband and your lover

Rather than to strut among poor mortals

and for your sport to bend their wills.

 

ANDERS

You seek to confine me in your embrace.

 

MITCHELL

You will not come with me?

 

ANDERS

I will not.

 

MITCHELL

How long within this wood intend you stay?

 

ANDERS

Perchance till after Tyrone’s wedding day.

I do intend to make merry with his train.

 

MITCHELL

Make merry with me and shun Tyrone’s train.

 

ANDERS

Not for thy fairy kingdom. Elves, away!

We shall fight downright, if I longer stay.

 

_Exit ANDERS and his entourage_

 

MITCHELL, _frowning_

Well, go thy way. Thou shalt not from this grove

Till I will win thee back.


	2. Scene 2

##  Scene 2

 

_ Enter TYRONE and DAWN, with others _

 

TYRONE:

Now, fair Dawn, our nuptial hour

Draws on apace. Four happy days bring in

Another moon. But oh, methinks how slow

This old moon wanes! 

 

DAWN:

Four days will quickly steep themselves in night.

Four nights will quickly dream away the time.

 

_ Enter HEIMDALL and his sister FRIGG, and AXL and MIKKEL _

 

HEIMDALL

Happy be Tyrone, our beloved duke.

 

TYRONE

Thanks, good Heimdall. What’s the news with thee?

 

HEIMDALL

Full of vexation come I with complaint

Against my sister, my dear Frigg. —

Stand forth, Axl. — My noble duke,

This man hath my consent to marry Frigg. —

Stand forth, Mikkel. — And my gracious duke,

This man hath bewitched the bosom of my sister. —

Thou, thou, Mikkel, hast filched my sister’s heart,

Turned her obedience (which is due to me)

To stubborn harshness. — And, most gracious duke,

Be it so Frigg will not here before your grace

Consent to marry with Axl,

I call the ancient law of Auckland.

As she is mine, I may dispose of her —

Which shall be either to this gentleman  _ (pointing to AXL) _

Or to her death—according to ancient law.

 

_ AXL looks shocked but says nothing _

 

TYRONE _ looking uncomfortable _

What say you, Frigga? Be advised, fair maid:

To you your brother should be as a god.

Axl is a worthy young gentleman.

 

FRIGG

I do entreat your grace to pardon me.

I know not by what power I am made bold

In such a presence here to voice my thoughts,

But I do beg your grace that I may be told

The worst fate that I may meet ,

If I refuse to wed Axl.

 

TYRONE _ looking more uncomfortable and ignoring DAWN’s angry glares _

Either to die or to forswear

Forever the society of men.

 

AXL,  _ after being poked by HEIMDALL _

Relent, sweet Frigga —And, Mikkel, yield.

 

MIKKEL

You have her father’s love, Axl.

Let me have Frigg’s. Do marry Heimdall.

 

HEIMDALL

Be quiet, Mikkel. True, Axl hath my love,

And thus I entrust my sister to him.

 

MIKKEL,  _ to _ TYRONE

I am beloved of beauteous Frigga.

Axl, I’ll avouch it to his head,

Made love to Tyr’s daughter, Gaia,

And won her heart by sweet promises.

 

_ AXL looks even more uncomfortable and does not look at anyone _

 

TYRONE

I must confess that I have heard so much

And with Axl thought to have spoke thereof,

But being distracted by my nuptials,

My mind did lose it. — But, Axl, come.

And come, Heimdall. You shall go with me.

 

_ Exit all but FRIGG and MIKKEL _

 

MIKKEL

Despair not! For aught that I could ever hear,

The course of true love never did run smooth.

I have a widow aunt, who is fond of me.

She lives in Wellington from Auckland remote.

There, gentle Frigga, may I marry thee.

And to that place the harsh Aucklandian law

Cannot pursue us. If thou lovest me then,

Steal away from thy brother’s house tomorrow night.

And in the wood, a league without the town —

Where I did meet thee once with Michele

There will I wait for thee.

 

FRIGG

My good Mikkel!

I swear to thee by Cupid’s strongest bow,

In that same place thou hast appointed me,

Tomorrow truly will I meet with thee.

 

MIKKEL

It is decided then. Look, here comes Michele.

 

_ Enter MICHELE _

 

FRIGGA

Godspeed, fair Michele! How far’st thou?

 

MICHELE

Godspeed, fair, Frigga. I came looking for thee.

From Dawn I learned of your predicament.

 

FRIGGA

Worry not, sweet friend and companion.

Mikkel and myself will fly this place.

And in the wood where often you and I

Upon faint primrose beds were wont to lie,

Emptying our bosoms of their counsel sweet,

There my Mikkel and myself shall meet.

And thence from Auckland turn away our eyes

To seek new friends and stranger companies.

To Wellington we henceforth turn our eyes.

Farewell, sweet playfellow. Pray thou for us.

 

_ She embraces MICHELE. Exeunt FRIGGA and MIKKEL _

 

MICHELE

Through Auckland I am thought as fair as she.

Or fairer still, by many of great taste.

But what of that? Colin thinks not so.

I will go tell Colin of Frigga’s flight.

Then to the wood will he tomorrow night

Pursue the runaway to garner our duke’s favour. 

And for this intelligence I’ll have his love.


	3. Scene 3

##  Scene 3

_ MITCHELL, sitting brooding on a rock in the forest. OLAF, leaning against a tree nearby, smoking a joint and amusing himself by blowing smokes in lewd shapes.  _

_ MITCHELL suddenly gets up. _

 

MITCHELL

Olaf, come hither. Thou remember'st

When once we sat upon a promontory

And heard a mermaid on a dolphin’s back

Uttering such dulcet and harmonious tones

That the rude sea grew civil at her song?

 

OLAF,  _ blowing smoke in the shape of a mermaid with enormous bosom _

I remember.

 

MITCHELL

That very time I saw (but thou couldst not)

Flying between the cold moon and the Earth,

Cupid, all armed. A certain aim he took

Yet missed. I saw where the arrow of Cupid fell,

Upon a little fragant flower on a meadow,

Before milk-white, now purple with love’s wound.

This herb I showed thee once. Bring it to me.

The juice of it on sleeping eyelids laid

Will make a man or woman madly dote

Upon the next live creature that it sees.

Fetch me this herb.

 

OLAF

I know herbs well.

 

_ Exit OLAF _ __  
  


MITCHELL _rubbing his forehead_

I know you do — Having once this juice,

I’ll watch Anders when he is asleep

And drop the liquor of it in his eyes.

The next thing then he waking looks upon 

Shall be myself. He then shall pursue me 

With the soul of love he once had for me.

And ere I take this charm of his sight again —

As I can take it with another herb —

I’ll take my time to admire all his assets.

But who comes here? I am invisible.

And I will overhear their conference.

 

_ Enter COLIN, MICHELE following _

 

COLIN

I love thee not, therefore pursue me not.

Thou deceive'st me. Where are Mikkel and his Frigga?

Thou told’st me they were stol'n unto this wood.

And here am I, and no one’s here.

Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more.

 

MICHELE

You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant.

 

COLIN

Do I entice you? Do I speak you fair?

Or rather, do I not in plainest truth

Tell you I do not, I want not, love you?

 

MICHELE

And even for that do I love you the more.

Together we can rule Auckland society.

 

COLIN

Rule Auckland society with thee?

I spin my own web of intrigues.

 

MICHELE

Not as well as me.

 

COLIN

You are making fools of us

Out here in the woods while all of Auckland

Is revelling in prenuptial merriment and forming bonds.

 

_ Exit COLIN and MICHELE _

 

_ Enter OLAF _ __  
  


MITCHELL

Hast thou the flower there? Welcome, wanderer.

 

OLAF

Ay, there it is.

 

MITCHELL

  I pray thee, give it me.

_ (takes flower from _ OLAF _ ) _

I know a bank where the wild hemp blows.

There sleeps Anders sometime of the night,

Lulled in this herb’s heavy scent.

And with the juice of this I’ll streak his eyes

And make him full of lust for me.

_ (gives _ OLAF  _ some of the flower) _

Take thou some of it and seek through this grove:

A cunning lady is in love with a disdainful man. 

They do deserve another. Anoint his eyes.

But do it when the next thing he espies

Will be the lady. Thou shalt know the man

By the Aucklandian garments he hath on.

And look thou meet me ere the first cock crows.

 

OLAF

Worry not, my lord. Your best minion shall do so.

 

_ OLAF keeps smoking his joint and MITCHELL looks doubtful. _

 

_ Exit separately _


	4. Scene 4

##  Scene 4

 

_ Enter ANDERS, with his elves, including INGRID, everyone swinging their hips _

 

ANDERS

Come now, a roundel and a merry song.

And then we smoke and rest.

 

_ The elves sing and dance and roll joints. Anders strips down to a thong made out of spidersilk, before he takes his own joint. While smoking, he becomes melancholy, looking towards the moon and ignoring his elves attempts to invite him into the dance. Then he falls asleep, his head resting on his arms. In his sleep he unconsciously reaches out for someone but grasps empty air. _

 

INGRID

He sleeps! Now all is well.

Let us away. One stand sentinel.

 

_ ELVES exit. _

 

_ Enter MITCHELL _

 

_ Mitchell squeezes  flower juice on _ ANDERS _ ’ eyelids _

 

MITCHELL

What thou seest when thou dost wake,

Do it as thy true love recognize.

Relive our earlier, happier days,

Find comfort in my loving arms,

And let me have your ass again.

 

_ MITCHELL lays down next to ANDERS his hand resting just next to ANDERS' ass _

 

_ Enter MIKKEL and FRIGG, who cannot see ANDERS and MITCHELL _

 

MIKKEL

Fair love, you’ll faint with wandering in the wood.

And to speak frankly, I have lost our way.

We’ll rest us, Frigga, if you think it good.

 

FRIGG

Be it so, Mikkel. Find you out a bed,

For I upon this bank will rest my head.

 

MIKKEL

One turf shall serve as pillow for us both.

One heart, one bed, two bosoms, and one oath.

 

FRIGG

Nay, good Mikkel. For my sake, my dear,

Lie further off yet. Do not lie so near.

Lie further off in human modesty.

Such separation as may well be said

Becomes a virtuous bachelor and a maid.

So far be distant. And, good night, sweet friend.

Thy love ne'er alter till thy sweet life end.

 

MIKKEL

Amen, amen to that fair prayer, say I.

And then end life when I end loyalty!

Here is my bed. Sleep give thee all his rest!

 

_ MIKKEL and FRIGG fall asleep _

 

_ MITCHELL has watched them wistfully, looking at ANDERS and stroking ANDERS’ hair. _

 

MITCHELL

This is how once we were, my love.

Without the help of flowers you loved me thus.

I will away and ponder this.

 

_ MITCHELL gets up and exits _

 

_ OLAF enters _

 

OLAF

 Through the forest have I gone.

 But Aucklandian found I none,

 On whose eyes I might approve

 This flower’s force in stirring love.

_ (sees MIKKEL and FRIGG) _

 Night and silence! Who is here?

Clothes of Auckland he doth wear.

 This is he, my master said,

 Despised the Aucklandian maid.

 And here the maiden, sleeping sound

 On the dank and dirty ground.

_ (squeezes flower juice on _ MIKKEL’S  _ eyelids) _

Yob, upon thy eyes I throw

 All the power this charm doth owe.

 

_ Exit Olaf _

 

_ Enter COLIN, MICHELE, running _

 

COLIN

I charge thee, hence, and do not haunt me thus.

 

MICHELE

Oh, wilt thou leave me in the dark? Do not so.

 

COLIN

Stay, on thy peril. I alone will go.

 

_ Exit COLIN _

 

MICHELE   
I do not think so.

_ (makes to follow COLIN but stumbles over _ MIKKEL _ )  _ But who is here? Mikkel, on the ground?

Dead or asleep? I see no blood, no wound. 

Mikkel, if you live, good man, awake.

 

MIKKEL

_ (waking) _ And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake.

Magnificent Michele! Nature shows art

That through thy bosom makes me see thy heart.

 

MICHELE

Do not say so, Mikkel. Say not so.

Frigga loves you. With that be content.

 

MIKKEL

Content with Frigga? No. I do repent

The tedious minutes I with her have spent.

Not Frigga but Michelle I love.

Who would not change a raven for a dove?

The will of man is by his reason swayed,

And reason says thou art the worthier maid.

 

MICHELE

When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?

Good troth, you do me wrong, good sooth, you do,

In such disdainful manner me to woo.

But fare you well. Perforce I must confess

I thought you lord of more true gentleness.

Oh, that a lady of one man refused

Should of another therefore be abused!

 

_ Exit MICHELE, spitting on the ground _

 

MIKKEL

She sees not Frigga. — Frigga, sleep thou there.

And never mayst thou come Mikkel near!

 

_ Exit MIKKEL. ANDERS is turning over in his sleep, muttering MITCHELL’S name _

 

FRIGG

_ (waking) _ Help me, Mikkel, help me! Do thy best

To pluck this crawling serpent from my breast.

Ay me, for pity! What a dream was here.

Mikkel, look how I do quake with fear.

Methought a serpent ate my heart away,

And you sat smiling at his cruel play.

Mikkel! — What, removed? — Mikkel, dear!—

What, out of hearing, gone? No sound, no word?—

Alack, where are you? Speak, and if you hear,

Speak, of all loves! I swoon almost with fear.

No? Then I well perceive you are not near.

Did he find weed? Methinks the sweet smell

Of the beloved herb lingers in the air.

 

_ Exit FRIGG, shouting Mikkel’s name _


	5. Scene 5

##  Scene 5

 

_ ANDERS is still sleeping and mumbling in his sleep. He is laying on his stomach, his butt fully displayed by his tiny tong. MITCHELL enters, looking longingly at the ass on display, followed by OLAF who is chuckling as he watches his king. _

 

_ Enter HEIMDALL with AXL and ZEB _

 

ZEB

Wherefore are we out here? In Auckland

All our friends are making merry.

Yet here we are, chasing frigid Frigg.

I say, if she shuns Axl, let it be her loss.

 

HEIMDALL

I say, she will marry Axl, whom I chose,

Or die as by the laws of Auckland.

 

AXL

Sweet Heimdall, we have chased

Frigg for many hours. Yet no sign of her

We found. Perchance she has long since returned.

 

HEIMDALL

Fools. You may wait here awhile

Rest your weary young limbs.

I will go peeping behind yon bushes,

That my well hide a maid and her swain.

_ HEIMDALL exits _

 

_ OLAF to MITCHELL, who is still busy admiring Anders’ Assets and pays no heed to the mortals _

 

OLAF

I do not like this knave. My lord, I will follow him.

 

MITCHELL,  _ not even looking _

Go then.

 

_ OLAF follows HEIMDALL. AXL and ZEB sit down and start playing dice. Mitchell still looks longingly at ANDERS reaching out to smoothen his hair. _

 

_ Enter HEIMDALL, with an ass’s head, and OLAF following, snickering as he rolls yet another joint _

 

ZEB _ looking up as he hears footsteps and jumping up as soon as he can make out HEIMDALL in the twilight _

Oh, monstrous! Oh, strange! We are haunted. Pray, Axl! Fly, Axl! Help!

 

_ Exit ZEB and AXL, screaming _

 

HEIMDALL

Why do they flee? This is a knavery of them

To leave me here alone. Yet wed my sister Axl shall.

 

ANDERS ( _ waking _ )

What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?

 

HEIMDALL _ (starting, as he suddenly sees the spirit) _

Who art thou?

 

ANDERS

Out of this wood do not desire to go.

Thou shalt remain here whether thou wilt or no.

I am a spirit of no common rate.

The summer still doth tend upon my state.

And I do love thee. Therefore go with me.

I’ll give thee elves to attend on thee.

And I will purge thy mortal grossness so

That thou shalt like an airy spirit go.—

Ingrid, Fulla, Moth, and Mustardseed!

 

_ MITCHELL, who stood on the other side of ANDERS, looks on horrified as his husband seems unaware of his presence. OLAF who perceives what he has done, ambles away, quietly whistling and exits. _

 

_ Enter four elves: INGRID, FULLA, MOTH, and MUSTARDSEED _

 

INGRID

Ready.

 

FULLA

 And I.

 

MOTH

  And I.

 

MUSTARDSEED

    And I.

 

ALL

Where shall we go?

 

ANDERS

Be kind and courteous to this gentleman.

Feed him with apricots and gooseberries,

With purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries.

And pluck the wings from painted butterflies

To fan the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes.

 

_ The elves look at each other in confusion, but then bow their heads towards HEIMDALL _

 

INGRID

Hi, mortal.

 

FULL

  Hi.

 

MOTH

    Hi.

 

MUSTARDSEED

      Hi.

 

ANDERS

Come, wait upon him. Lead him to my bower.

 

_ ANDERS wiggles his ass and both MITCHELL and HEIMDALL ogle it. _

 

_ As ANDERS walks away, MITCHELL hits him with a spell to make him glow. Distracted by those perfect globes, however, Mitchell hits only them. As the moon hides in clouds, the only visible thing is ANDERS’ ass glowing red. _

 

MITCHELL,  _ watching that ass disappear _

I will find you, my love, and rescue you.

Yet first I need to find that knave, that Olaf

And find out what he’s done. Methinks

That spirit smokes too much cannabis.


	6. Scene 6

## Scene 6

 

_Enter MITCHELL on one side, OLAF on the other. OLAF tries to hide, but MITCHELL spots him._

 

MITCHELL

Stay.

 

OLAF

My lord.

 

MITCHELL

Thou willst answer for what thou hast done to sweet Anders.

But first hast thou latched the Aucklandian’s eyes

With the love juice, as I did bid thee do?

 

OLAF

I took him sleeping—that is finished too—

And the Aucklandian woman by his side,

That, when he waked, of force she must be eyed.

 

_Enter COLIN and FRIGG_

 

MITCHELL _aside to_ OLAF

Stand close. This is the same Aucklandian.

 

OLAF, _aside to_ MITCHELL

This is the woman, but not this the man.

 

_MITCHELL looks at OLAF who tries to look innocent_

 

FRIGG

Now I but chide, but I should use thee worse.

For thou, I fear, hast given me cause to curse.

If thou hast slain Mikkel in his sleep,

To win my brother’s favour at court,

Henceforth be never numbered among men!

Oh, once tell true, tell true even for my sake—

Durst thou have looked upon him being awake,

And hast thou killed him sleeping? O brave touch!

Could not a worm, a snake, do so much?

A snake did it, for with doubler tongue

Than thine, thou serpent, never snake stung.

 

COLIN, _disdainfully_

You spend your passion on a misprised mood.

I am not guilty of Mikkel’s blood.

Nor is he dead, for aught that I can tell.

 

FRIGG

I pray thee, tell me then that he is well.

 

COLIN

And if I could, what should I get therefore?

 

FRIGG

The privilege never to see me more.

And from thy hated presence part I so.

 

_Exit FRIGG. COLIN looks around._

  
COLIN

I fear cunning Michele has led me astray.

I will lay down here and return to court

As soon as dawn’s rays tickle me awake.

 

_COLIN lays down and sleeps_

 

MITCHELL _to_ OLAF

What hast thou done? Thou hast mistaken quite,

And laid the love juice on some true love’s sight.

Of thy mistake must perforce ensue

Some true love turned, and not a false turned true.

 

OLAF, _still trying to look innocent_

Then fate overrules that, for one man

That is true, a million fail. Who knows

If my interference did not simply hasten

Mortal inconstancy.

 

MITCHELL

About the wood go swifter than the wind,

And Michele of Auckland look thou find—

All angry in love she is and fierce.

By some illusion bring her here.

I’ll charm his eyes once she doth appear.

 

OLAF, _sighing_

I go, I go. Look how I go,

Swifter than arrow from Cupid’s bow.

 

_Exit Olaf_

 

MITCHELL, _squeezing flower juice into_ COLIN’S _eyes_

Flower of this purple dye,

Hit with Cupid’s archery,

Sink in apple of his eye.

When his love he doth espy,

Let her shine as gloriously

As the Venus of the sky.

When thou wakest, if she be by,

Beg of her for remedy.

 

_Enter OLAF, chuckling_

 

OLAF

Captain of our fairy band,

Michele is here at hand,

And the youth, mistook by me,

Pleading for a lover’s fee.

Shall we their silly pageant see?

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

 

MITCHELL

Stand aside. The noise they make

Will cause Colin to awake.

 

OLAF

Then will two at once woo one.

That must needs be sport alone.

And those things do best please me

That befall preposterously.

 

_Enter MIKKEL and MICHELE_

 

MIKKEL

Why should you think that I should woo in scorn?

Scorn and derision never come in tears.

Look, when I vow, I weep. And vows so born,

In their nativity all truth appears.

 

MICHELE

You do advance your cunning more and more.

When truth kills truth, O devilish holy fray!

These vows are Frigga’s. Will you give her o'er?

Weigh oath with oath, and you will nothing weigh.

 

MIKKEL

I had no judgment when to her I swore.

 

MICHELE

Nor none, in my mind, now you give her o'er.

 

_COLIN, wakes up in this moment, blinks in confusion and then leaps up when he sees MICHELE_

 

COLIN

O Michele, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!

To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?

Crystal is muddy. Oh, how ripe in show

Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!

Oh, let me kiss this seal of bliss!

 

MICHELE

O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent

To set against me for your merriment.

Can you not hate me, as I know you do,

But you must join in souls to mock me too?

 

MIKKEL

You are unkind, Michele. Be not so.

You I do love and will do till my death.

If e'er I loved Frigga, all that love is gone

 

COLIN

Disparage not the faith thou dost not know,

Lest to thy peril thou payst it dear.

Look, where thy true love comes. Yonder is Frigga.

 

_Enter FRIGG_

 

FRIGG

Thou art not by mine eye, Mikkel, found.

Mine ear, I thank it, brought me to thy sound

But why unkindly didst thou leave me so?

 

MIKKEL

Why should he stay, whom love doth press to go?

 

FRIGG

What love could press Mikkel from my side?

 

MIKKEL

Fair Michele, who more engilds the night

Than all yon fiery oes and eyes of light.

Why seek’st thou me? Could not this make thee know

The hate I bear thee made me leave thee so?

 

FRIGG

You speak not as you think. It cannot be.

 

MICHELE

Injurious Frigga! Most ungrateful maid!

Have you conspired, have you with these contrived

To bait me with this foul derision?

Is all the counsel that we two have shared,

The sisters' vows, the hours that we have spent

All schooldays' friendship, childhood innocence?

And will you rent our ancient love asunder

To join with men in scorning your poor friend?

We should have joined our forces, spin intrigues,

Not let ourselves be used by ungrateful men.

 

FRIGG

I am amazed at your passionate words.

I scorn you not. It seems that you scorn me.

 

MICHELE

Have you not set Mikkel, as in scorn,

To follow me and praise my eyes and face?

And made your brother’s friend, Colin

Who even but now did spurn me with his foot—

To call me goddess, nymph, divine, and rare,

Precious, celestial? Wherefore speaks he this

To her he hates? And wherefore doth Mikkel

Deny your love, so rich within his soul,

And tender me, forsooth, affection,

But by your setting on, by your consent?

 

FRIGG

I understand not what you mean by this.

 

MICHELE

Fine then. Persevere, counterfeit sad looks,

Make mouths upon me when I turn my back,

Wink each at other, hold the sweet jest up—

This sport, well carried, shall be chronicled.

I do not forget. But fare ye well.

 

MIKKEL

Stay, gentle Michele. Hear my excuse.

My love, my life, my soul, fair Michele!

 

FRIGG, _to_ MIKKEL

  Sweet, do not insult her so.

 

COLIN

If Frigg cannot entreat, I can force you to let her go.

 

MIKKEL

Thou canst force no more than she entreat.

Thy threats have no more strength than her weak pleas. —

Michele, I love thee. By my life, I do.

 

COLIN

I say I love thee more than he can do.

 

MIKKEL

If thou say so, draw your sword and prove it too.

 

COLIN

Gladly.

 

_They both draw their swords_

 

FRIGG, _holding MIKKEL back_

  Mikkel, what is the meaning of all this?

 

MIKKEL

Let go, thou cat, thou burr! Vile thing, let loose

Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent.

 

FRIGG

Why are you grown so rude? What change is this,

Sweet love?

 

MIKKEL

Sweet love? Out, dirty whore, out!

Out, loathèd bitch! O hated poison, hence!

( _to_ COLIN) I will fight you, I promise.

 

COLIN

I’ll not trust your word. A weak woman

Is your excuse, you coward?

 

MIKKEL

What, should I hurt her, strike her, kill her dead?

Although I hate her, I’ll not harm her so.

 

FRIGG, to MIKKEL

What, can you do me greater harm than hate?

Hate me? Wherefore? O me! What news, my love?

Why then, you left me—Oh, the gods forbid!—

In earnest, shall I say?

 

MIKKEL, _trying to shake her loose_

    Ay, by my life,

And never did desire to see thee more.

Therefore be out of hope, of question, of doubt.

Be certain, nothing truer. 'Tis no jest

That I do hate thee and love Michele.

 

FRIGG

O gods!

 _(to_ MICHELE _)_ You juggler! You canker-blossom!

You thief of love! What, have you come by night

And stol'n my love’s heart from him?

 

MICHELE

      Fine, i' faith!

Have you no modesty, no maiden shame,

No touch of bashfulness? What, will you tear

Impatient answers from my gentle tongue?

Fie, fie! You counterfeit, you puppet, you!

 

FRIGG

Modesty? Maiden Shame? Bashfulness?

Thy gentle tongue? Oh, Michele,

You are none of that.

 

MICHELE

Good Frigga, do not be so bitter with me.

I evermore did love you, Frigga,

Save that, in love unto Colin,

I told him of your stealth unto this wood

He followed you. For love I followed him.

But he hath chid me hence and threatened me

To strike me, spurn me—nay, to kill me too.

And now, so you will let me quiet go,

To Auckland will I bear my folly back

And follow you no further. Let me go.

 

FRIGG

Why, get you gone! Who is it that stops you?

 

MICHELE

My love.

 

MIKKEL, _finally free of Frigg, to COLIN_

  Now she holds me not.

Now follow, if thou darest, to try whose right,

Of thine or mine, is most in Michele.

 

_Exit MIKKEL and COLIN_

 

FRIGG, _to_ MICHELE

All this is because of you.

 

MICHELE

I’ll no longer stay in your curst company.

 

_Exit MICHELE_

 

FRIGG

I am amazed and know not what to say.

 

_Exit FRIGG; following the men_

 

MITCHELL, _to_ OLAF

This is thy negligence. Ever thou mistakest,

Or else causest trouble willfully.

 

OLAF

Believe me, King of Shadows, I mistook.

Did not you tell me I should know the man

By the Aucklandian garment he had on?

And so far blameless proves my enterprise,

That I have poisoned an Aucklandian’s eyes.

And so far am I glad it so did sort,

As this their confusion I esteem a jest.

 

MITCHELL

Thou seest these lovers seek a place to fight.

Go therefore, Olaf, overcast the night.

The starry sky cover thou right now

With drooping fog as black as coal,

And lead these testy rivals so astray

As one come not within another’s way.

_(Gives Olaf a bag of weed which he eagerly takes)_

With this prepare your fabled brownies,

And in shape of a kindly lady of the court

Offer them the nourishment.

And once they are blissed out,

 _(gives_ OLAF _another flower)_

Then crush this herb into Mikkel’s eye,

Whose liquor will undo the other’s.

When they next wake, all this derision

Shall seem a dream and fruitless vision.

And back to Auckland shall the lovers go.

Whiles I in this affair do thee employ,

I’ll to my love and beg his love anew.

 

OLAF

My fairy lord, this must be done with haste.

For night’s swift dragons cut the clouds full fast,

And yonder shine the dawn’s first rays.

 

MITCHELL

I know. Thus make haste. Make no delay.

We may effect this business yet ere day.

 

_Exit MITCHELL_

 

OLAF _singing_

 Up and down, up and down,

 I will lead them up and down.

 I am feared in field and town.

 Goblin, lead them up and down.

Here comes one.

 

_Enter COLIN_

 

COLIN

Where art thou, proud Mikkel? Speak thou now.

 

OLAF, _in MIKKEL’s voice_

Here, villain. Drawn and ready. Where art thou?

 

COLIN

I will be with thee straight.

 

OLAF, _still as MIKKEL_

Follow me then to better ground to fight.

 

_Exit COLIN_

 

_Enter MIKKEL_

 

MIKKEL

Colin, speak again!

Thou runaway, thou coward, art thou fled?

Speak! In some bush? Where dost thou hide thy head?

 

OLAF, _as COLIN_

Thou coward, art thou bragging to the stars,

Telling the bushes that thou look’st for wars,

And wilt not come? Come, scoundrel. Come, thou child!

I’ll whip thee with a rod. He is dishonoured

That draws a sword on thee. Thou dost

Not deserve a noble fight.

 

MIKKEL, _hollering_

Where art thou?

 

OLAF, _makes himself visible and transformed to look like a farmer’s wife_

Good sir, you do disturb the night.

What news from Auckland,

What has befallen our court

For courtiers to disturb our good night’s rest.

 

MIKKEL, _starting_

I beg your pardon, gentle huswife.

 

OLAF, _preening and producing a box with cookies_

Never mind, my lord, I do trust

That all his well and our beloved duke,

Will wed his lady soon enough.

To celebrate us humble farmers

Have prepared these offerings.

Mayhaps you’d like to sample these

And tell us if they’re fit for court.

 

_MIKKEL politely takes a cookie, and then another, and then another._

 

MIKKEL

Gentle woman, do not be afraid,

A king would not deny these offerings.

 

_OLAF smiles and curtsies, as MIKKEL looks at his sword in sudden confusion, puts it down and lays down to rest_

 

_Enter COLIN_

 

COLIN

I wonder what those biscuits were

That gentle lady just did offer me.

I feel more drowsy now, than I did before.

 _(he lies down)_ I will rest therefore,

And when sweet morning comes,

I’ll find Mikkel and revenge this spite.

 

_ENTER Michele_

 

MICHELE

O weary night, O long and tedious night,

Abate thy hours. Shine comforts from the east,

That I may back to Auckland by daylight

From these that my good company detest.

I should not have had taken those cookies.

A gentler woman would have offered me a bed

Not cookies in the death of night.

I’ll lay down here and rest.

 

OLAF, _still hidden_

 Yet but three? Come one more.

 Ah, here she comes, cursed and sad.

 

_Enter FRIGG_

 

FRIGG

Never so weary, never so in woe,

I can no further crawl, no further go.

My legs can keep no pace with my desires.

Here will I rest me till the break of day.

 

OLAF, _still as farmer’s wife, steps worth._

Gentle lady, I was woken by all the noise

You  made here in the forest. I fear

You are too weary to follow to my hovel,

But here, have some of my cookies.

They’ll help you find comfort and I’ll watch

O’er you sleep so nothing ill befall you.

 

FRIGG, _taking two cookies_

Thank you gentle huswife.

 

_FRIGG falls asleep_

 

OLAF

 On the ground

 Sleep sound.

 I’ll apply

 To your eye.

 Gentle lover, remedy.

 _(squeezes flower juice into_ _MIKKEL’S eyes)_

 When thou wakest,

 Thou takest

 True delight

 In the sight

 Of thy former lady’s eye.

 And the country proverb known:

  Jack shall have Jill,

 Nought shall go ill.

The man shall have his mare again, and all shall be well.

 

_OLAF exits, giggling_


	7. Scene 7

## Scene 7

_MIKKEL, COLIN, MICHELE, and FRIGG are sleeping on the ground. Enter ANDERS; still only in a spider web thong and his ass still glowing; and HEIMDALL, with the ass’s head; and PEASEBLOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, MUSTARDSEED; MITCHELL comes in behind them, unseen_

 

ANDERS

 _(to_ HEIMDALL _)_ Come, sit thee down upon this flowery bed

While I thy amiable cheeks do stroke,

And kiss thy fair large ears, my darling joy.

 

_MITCHELL looks sick at this._

 

HEIMDALL

Where’s Ingrid?

 

INGRID _looking up in confusion_

Ready.

 

HEIMDALL

Scratch my head, Ingrid

 

_INGRID, looking disgusted, scratches Heimdall’s head._

 

HEIMDALL

Where’s Mistress Fulla

 

FULLA _hesitantly_

Ready. What’s your will?

 

HEIMDALL

Nothing but to help good Ingrid scratch.

I must to the barber’s ere long for methinks

I am marvelous hairy about the face.

And I am such a tender ass, if my hair doth but tickle me,

I must seek remedy.

 

ANDERS

Oh say, sweet love, what thou desirest to eat.

 

HEIMDALL

Truly, just a bit of grass. I could munch good dry oats also.

Methinks I have a great desire to a bottle of hay.

Good hay, sweet hay, hath no comparison.

 

ANDERS, _his hands trailing down HEIMDALL’s body_

I have a venturous elf maid that shall seek

The squirrel’s hoard and fetch thee new nuts.

 

HEIMDALL

I had rather have a handful or two of hay.

But for now, I beg you, let none of your people stir me.

I have a sudden desire of sleep come upon me.

 

_ANDERS looks disappointed, while MITCHELL sighs in relief_

 

ANDERS

Sleep then, and I will wrap thee in my arms.

Elves, be gone, leave me and my love.

 

_Exit elves_

 

_ANDERS and HEIMDALL sleep_

 

_Enter OLAF_

 

MITCHELL

Welcome, good Olaf. Seest thou this sad sight?

We have done my Anders gravely wrong.

I have seen him just before behind the wood,

Seeking sweet favors from this hateful fool,

And instead of setting matters right, my jealousy won

And I did upbraid him and fall out with him.

For he had the fool’s hairy temples then adorned

With a coronet of fresh and fragrant flowers.

It was more than I could bear. And taunting me

Swaying his backside, Anders did disappear

Into the woods with this fool. Little knowing

That with his ass still glowing, I could follow from afar.

Now I will release my darling spouse from his curse.

And you, Olaf, take this transformation

From off the head of this Aucklandian knave,

That, he awaking when the others do,

They may all to Auckland again repair

And think no more of this night’s accidents

But as the fierce vexation of a dream.

  _MITCHELL squeezes the juice from the second flower in Ander’s eyes_

Be as thou wast wont to be;

See as thou wast wont to see;

Diana’s bud o'er Cupid’s flower

Hath such force and blessed power.

Now, my Anders, awaken, my sweet lord.

 

ANDERS, _waking up_

Oh Mitchell, what visions have I seen!

Methought I was enamored of an ass.

 

MITCHELL

‘Twas Olaf’s fault.

 

_MITCHELL points to OLAF who is just about to undo his spell on HEIMDALL_

 

ANDERS

How came these things to pass?

Oh, did I really touch this ass?

 

MITCHELL

Only his face, my love.

 

ANDERS

I ask again, how did this come to pass.

And ( _looking behind himself_ ) why glows my ass.

 

MITCHELL

I missed your sweet companionship

And I remembered a flower that would bewitch

A person waking to be enarmored of that first sight

they'd clap their eyes on. I intended it to be me.

 

ANDERS

So how come I saw this ass?

 

MITCHELL

Four lovers erred through the wood

I sought to help them find true happiness.

I heard them whisper vows of love,

And methought that if your love for me

Was caused simply by my own trick,

How hollow it would be and how false

Each sweetness you whispered would be.

I left little thinking, that in the meantime,

This ass would lay down next to you.

I crave your forgiveness.

 

ANDERS

You always had my love, my dear.

 

MITCHELL

Then why did you abandon me?

 

ANDERS

I missed my sport of playing with the mortals.

You would have me at your side in the fairyland.

Yet I did miss you when we were apart.

I will come back with you, my love, if you

But promise me to let me have my sport.

 

MITCHELL, _smiling_

Gladly my dear, if you can promise me,

That you will join my bed each second night.

 

ANDERS, _turning around and wiggling his assets_

I will, and more.

 

_MITCHELL takes the opportunity to playfully smack ANDERS’ ass_

 

MITCHELL

Fairies, music! — Come, my king, take my hands,

And rock the ground whereon these sleepers be.

 _(dances with_ ANDERS _)_

Now thou and I are new in felicity,

And will tomorrow midnight solemnly

Dance in Duke Theseus' house triumphantly,

And bless it to all fair prosperity.

 

OLAF

Fairy King, attend, and mark.

I do hear the morning lark.

 

MITCHELL

Then, my king, in silence glad,

Skip we after the night’s shade.

We the globe can compass easy

Swifter than the wandering moon.

 

ANDERS

Come, my lord, and let’s find a bed,

To celebrate our promises.

 

_Exit MITCHELL, ANDERS and OLAF; MITCHELL’S hand on ANDERS’ ass_

 

_The sound of horns. Enter TYRONE and all his train, DAWN, AXL, and ZEB_

 

TYRONE

Now gentle Axl, and kind Zeb,

What wild story you have told.

Was it hereabouts you saw the monster?

 

_AXL and ZEB nod. DAWN starts, seeing the five sleeping on the ground_

 

DAWN

My love, this is sweet Frigg here asleep.

And this, Mikkel. This Colin is.

This Michele, cunning Michele.

I wonder of their being here together.

And this Heimdall near is sister.

 

TYRONE

No doubt they rose up early to observe

The rite of May, and hearing our intent

To do the same within the woods

Came here in grace our solemnity.

But say my dear. Is not this the day

That Frigg should give answer of her choice?

Why is she here then with her brother

And the man he despises?

DAWN

Let’s wake them up.

 

_Someone from the train blows the horn. HEIMDALL, MIKKEL, COLIN, FRIGG and MICHELE wake up._

 

TYRONE

Good morrow, friends. What has happened here.

 

_HEIMDALL, MIKKEL, COLIN, MICHELE, and FRIGG stand, rubbing their temples._

 

MIKKEL

My lord, I do not what I shall reply,

Half sleeping, half waking. But, I swear,

I cannot truly say how I came here.

But as I think — for truly would I speak,

And now do I bethink me, so it is —

I came with Frigga hither. Our intent

Was to be gone from Auckland, where we might,

Without the peril of the Aucklandian law —

 

HEIMDALL, _pinching his forehead_

Enough, enough, my lord. You have enough!

I beg the law, the law, upon his head. —

They would have stol'n away — they would,  Axl,

Thereby to have defeated you and me,

You of your wife and me of my consent,

Of my consent that she shall be your wife.

 

COLIN, _to_ TYRONE

My lord, fair Michele told me of their stealth,

Of this their purpose hither to this wood.

And to please you I followed them,

Fair Michelle in loyalty following me.

 

_COLIN takes MICHELE’S hand_

 

TYRONE

Dear lovers, you are fortunately met.

Of this discourse we more will hear anon. —

Heimdall, I will overrule your will.

For in the temple with gentle Dawn and me

These couples shall be wed. —

Sweet Axl, I fear, has secretly

Been harbouring disgust for his betrothed.

He came to me swearing he had seen

In this same spot where your sister sleeps,

A hideous monster. How you come be here,

I do not know, yet I fear you were

To take the law into your own hands.

Thus I say, if Frigg and Mikkel still intend

To be wedded, then they shall.

Away with us to Auckland. Three and three,

We’ll hold a feast in great solemnity.

Come, Dawn, my love.

 

DAWN

The course of true love never doth run smooth,

But once I’m queen the law shall be amended,

And true love never shall by death be ended.

 

_Exit TYRONE and his train, DAWN, AXL, who looks relieved, ZEB who looks confused, and HEIMDALL, who is fuming_

 

MIKKEL, _rubbing his eyes_

This past night seem far away and foggy,

Like far-off mountains turned into clouds.

How come we’re here?

 

FRIGG

Who cares a whit. Married we shall be.

Let’s follow them anon.

 

_Everyone exits_


	8. Scene 8

## Scene 8

 

_Everyone is chatting and dancing at the joint wedding party. TYRONE and DAWN are sitting hand in hand, talking to dignitaries. MIKKEL and FRIGG are dancing slowly, observed by a scowling HEIMDALL. AXL and ZEB are with a group of young men, opening barrel after barrel of mead and shouting merrily. COLIN and MICHELE whisper to one another in a corner. ANDERS and MITCHELL enter unseen, hand in hand. ANDERS still only wears a thong. They are throwing fairy dust at everyone, ANDERS aiming for their crotches. The clock strikes 12_

 

TYRONE

The iron tongue of midnight hath told twelve.

Lovers, to bed. 'Tis almost fairy time.

I fear we shall outsleep the coming morn

As much as we this night have reveled much.

Sweet friends, to bed. For a full fortnight

We shall hold this festivities,

With nightly revels and new jollity.

 

_All the mortals exit._

_OLAF, INGRID and FULLA enter with rest of the entourage of fairies and elves_

 

OLAF

And now we fairies, that do run

 From the presence of the sun,

 Following darkness like a dream,

 Now we frolic here. Not a mouse

 Shall disturb this hallowed house.

 

MITCHELL

Through the house give glimmering light,

By the dead and drowsy fire.

Every elf and fairy sprite

Hop as light as bird from bush.

And this ditty, after me,

Sing and dance it trippingly.

 

_MITCHELL, ANDERS, the fairies and the elves dance. Apart from Olaf, who sits in a corner and smokes. INGRID comes to join him._

 

MITCHELL and ANDERS, _singing together_

 Now until the break of day,

 Through this house each spirit stray.

 So shall all the couples three

 Ever true in their love be.

Every spirit take their gait.

 And each several chamber bless

 Through this palace with sweet peace.

 And the owner of it blessed

 Ever shall in safety rest.

 Trip away. Make no stay.

 Meet us all by break of day.

 

_The Fairies scatter. MITCHELL and ANDERS remain. Music is still playing. ANDERS and MITCHELL embrace, hands on each others butts as they sway through the room. ANDERS’ ass is still glowing. In a corner, OLAF makes out with INGRID, both taking breaks to draw from a giant joint._


	9. Epilogue

##  Epilogue

 

_ The next morning. A meadow outside the palace. Heimdall, hungover and in a foul mood, creeps up to a sheep. _

_ A hammer flies through the sky and hits him on the head. _

_ Thor appears from behind a bush, spits on the ground, mutters about noblemen and their ways with sheep and drags Heimdalls body off. _


	10. Tl:DR for busy students

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as promised the quick version for those who do not want to read pseudo-verse

Fairy kings Anders and Mitchell are arguing because Anders wants to meddle with the humans instead of fool around. Mitchell just wants to admire Anders finest asset, so he sends Olaf, his trouble-making minion, out to find a plant called love-in-idleness, the juice of which makes any person dote on the next creature he or she sees.

Duke Tyrone and Dawn are planning their wedding, which takes place in four days.

Wedding guests begin to arrive. Heimdall comes with his sister, Frigg, and her two suitors, Mikkel and Axl. Frigg is in love with Mikkel, but her brother wants her to marry Axl. He declares that if Frigg won’t marry Axl, she will die. Mikkel and Frigg decide to escape to Wellington. Michele is in love with Colin. Frigg and Mikkel then tell Michele about their plan to leave. In a last effort to gain Colin’s love, Michele decides to tell him of this plot.

Sure that Michele and Colin deserve each other, Mitchell instructs Olaf to put some love juice in Colin’ eyes at a moment when Michele will be the first person he sees upon waking. Somehow Olaf mistakes Mikkel for Colin and puts love juice in Mikkel’s eyes. Still in pursuit of Colin, Michele wanders past and awakens the sleeping Mikkel; he immediately falls in love with her.

When Anders falls asleep, Mitchell squeezes the love juice into his eyes.

Olaf, appalled by the awful behavior of Heimdall, gives him a donkey-head. Heimdall is unaware of the transformation and walks through the woods, waking Anders who immediately falls in love with him and follows. Mitchell is horrified and casts a spell to make Anders glow so he can track him through the forest. It only hits his bottom and he lights up like a firefly in a spider-silk thong.

Both Mikkel and Colin are now in love with Michele. Before a serious fight breaks out between Colin and Mikkel, Mitchell has Olaf create chaos by passing out his special cookies to keep the lovers from finding one another. Thankfully, he can still track Anders’ ass-glow. Later, while they are sleeping, Olaf reverses the spell on Mikkel. He was short on flour so the cookies were extra dopey and none of the lovers will remember what happened in the woods.

In the end, Ty and Dawn get married while Anders and Mitchell sprinkle fairy dust on the participants. Mikkel proposes to Frigg. Colin proposes to Michele. Axl goes home to Zeb. Heimdall gets too close to a sheep and falls to Thor’s hammer. Olaf makes out with a pixie. And Mitchell finally gets his hands on Anders amazing asset.

**Author's Note:**

> With apologies to the bard, we took A Midsummer Night's Dream, The Almighty Johnsons, and Being Human (UK) out, got them drunk, and shot them through our canon-cannon.


End file.
